


Maybe, I'm Afriad

by squishwrites02



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Bad suns - Freeform, Bisexual Allura (Voltron), Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Male Character, Depressed Keith, Depression, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Foster Care, Gay Disaster Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Happy Ending, I live for fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Orphan Keith, Panic Attacks, Panic at the Disco - Freeform, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), SO MUCH FLUFF, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Keith/Lance (Voltron), Soft Keith (Voltron), Soft Keith/Lance (Voltron), Suicide Attempt, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Romelle (Voltron), arcade fire, he's just a whole soft boy, hunk and pidge have to put up with it because theyre good friends, i also live for angst, i guess, keith is a whole ass disaster gay, klangst, lovelytheband - Freeform, maybe some smut idk, suffer, theyre both pining and theyre both disasters, this is a lowkey vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-10-27 02:40:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17758217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishwrites02/pseuds/squishwrites02
Summary: It's been a little hard, it's been a little tough, but maybe all along I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid.





	Maybe, I'm Afriad

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics: Maybe, I'm Afraid by lovelytheband

Fear was a strange thing. Some things made sense. It's reasonable to be afraid of heights. Lean to far and you and easily fall to your death, living your last moment being horrified, knowing that it's more than likely the end. It's reasonable to be afraid of things such as large wild animals or spiders. They, too, can kill you easily. 

However, not all fears are easily explained. Others may not understand. What's so bad about the dark? There's nothing there. You're just being paranoid. How are people scared of insects such as moths or ladybugs? They're pretty innocent. 

Why are you so scared of someone you care about simply walking away, no intentions on hurting you? Why does the simple act of moving from one place to another send you into a panic attack? Why are you so worried about someone not talking you because they're busy? Why does is scare you so much? Why are you being so irrational?

Keith would love to be able to answer those questions. He has the answer, he knows the cause, but it's not easy to say. The tough emotionless angry kid actually cares about something? Bullshit. Keith hates everyone, everything. He wouldn't be bothered by such things. 

That's what they assumed, at least. 

And when they do find out the truth, it scared them away. Who would want to put up with that kind of emotional baggage? Who would voluntarily hang around a kid that clings to you and hyperventilates if you walk away to grab a snack or use the bathroom. To say hi to another friend. 

Who would invite a kid who's too scared to mess up into their family? A kid who can barely settle into a room he's supposed to call his out fear that'll all disappear. 

He swears he's crazy. 

Who would want a child that either lashes out or isolated himself? A kid who's too scared to engage in family activities because he's scared he'll ruin it?

He ruins everything. He's been told. He's seen it enough to know it's true. 

He's not necessarily sure sad is the way to describe himself. Sure, he feels sad quite often, but overall? Kind of inaccurate. Angry, scared, but not sad. Angry at the world for being the way it is. For ruining everything. Angry at the parents he never knew, the parents he doesn't know the names of, angry at the parents that disappeared before he was even capable of forming a memory. 

Angry at the adults who made a decision, a decision to take care of him and to give a home and food and clothes and a family. The adults to all made the same promise only to ship him off to the next home. 

Angry at the foster system for being so fucking flawed no matter how amazingly sweet and caring the caretakers are. 

Angry at the parents who took him in and made the same promises, but not to him, to the caretakers at the group home only for them to be lies. Only for them to neglect him or pass him on because of a small mistake 

Scared that he'll make the mistake of trusting another person. Scared that he'll grow to care for someone again, only to be abandoned (again).

Scared that he'll get too comfortable again. Scared that someone will actually care for him but I willingly leave him just like she did. 

Scared that he'll end up with another family that become too financially unstable, that sends him thinking it's what's best, talking him someone else will be able to provide for him unlike they did. Scared that despite his pleas, despite him wanting them and not what the provide him with, they'll still send him off. It's for your own good, they say. It's what's best, they say. 

They thought they were doing what was good but what they didn't know was that the next home he ended up in was abusive, unlike them

Although he could never see himself admitting it to anyone due to his trust issues, Keith could easily say that abandonment was his biggest fear. He hated admitting that he had so many fears. 

Keith, the emotionless emo kid, believe it or not, actually has feelings?

Most would say it's false but oh boy, it unfortunately isn't. 

———

Never in his life did Keith see a beautiful, tall, Cuban boy in his future. He never expected to be so distracted by the young man's attractiveness. Keith was capable of seeing that people were attractive, but damn. He kept catching himself staring. 

He was cute, yes, but his personality is what Keith cared about. He seemed to bring happiness everywhere he went. The room always seemed lighter with his presence. 

Keith acknowledged this, but he didn’t think all that much of it. Yea, he’s has crushes in the past, but it’s really not that big of a deal. Not something that’d affect him. He likes Lance, but there was no need to act on it. There was nothing between them anyways. He’d be surprised if the boy even knew his name. 

———

Keith has only made eye contact with him once, but he'd never forget how beautiful he was. He seemed like he genuinely cared for whatever Keith had to say (they were only discussing a problem on a math worksheet they were doing in class but Keith didn't care.)

He had barely made conversation with Lance. Not that he was avoiding it, there was just no reason to. It'd be weird for someone like him. People would definitely take notice. 

Keith wasn't afraid to admit that he did maybe have a tiny crush on Lance, but he'd never act on it. Crushes were easily ignored. He'd leave the school again at some point. He'd move on. He has no chance, anyways. Lance was far to bubbly to be around someone like Keith. 

Keith would never want to burden anyone with the baggage he carries, anyways. 

———

It rarely happens. Keith found himself pretty good at repressing his emotional when in public. Though, he was human, so sometimes he did have his moments. Unfortunately, they just seemed to always happen at the most inconvenient of times. 

He spaced out during English. The lesson was boring and he honestly didn't see a point in listening. Keith was naturally good in English class. 

Spacing out is dangerous for Keith. Spacing out means thinking. He doesn't have much to think about. Lance, his trauma, his lack of family, Lance, his loneliness, Lance, past memories...

Needless to say, thinking was a bit dangerous for Keith. If he wasn't thinking of Lance, it was nothing good. 

He found himself staring down at his nearly empty notebook tried to hold back the tears forming in his eyes. 

Nothing had happened recently. He just felt emotional. It felt like a dam was about to break. 

He tried to distract himself. 

Think about Lance. Think about Lance. He repeated in his head. 

A tear appeared on his notebook. He tried to bust himself with the notes he had neglected all period to distract himself from the overwhelming (and unnecessary) sadness, but luckily, he was saved by the bell. 

No one had noticed Keith's suddenly negative emotional state. Or so he thought. 

He was turning into his shortcut to his next class when he heard a familiar voice call his name. 

How does he know? He wondered. 

He turned around and saw Lance speed walking in his direction. He quickly caught up to the shorter boy. 

"You okay, dude? You looked like ya kinda spaced out during English. Y'didn't look too happy," he asked. 

Keith wasn't sure how to answer. Lance knows his name? Lance noticed his sudden shift in mood? Lance cared enough to confront Keith, who's basically a stranger, and ask if he's okay?

Damn. No wonder he liked him. 

"Oh, uh, yea. I'm fine. Just kinda went out of it for a bit, y'know?" he attempted to say convincingly. 

"Trust me, I understand. Just wanted to make sure everything was alright."

They walked in silence for a moment. 

Keith looked up at Lance, who smiled. 

As Keith reached his next class (which, unfortunately, wasn't shared with his maybe not so small crush), Lance stopped him once again. 

"I know this may be a bit weird seeing that we aren't really friends or anything, but if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm more than happy to listen. If you ever want to vent or rant or whatever, just let me know. I could give you my phone number or you could, like, message me on Instagram or something. I don’t mind.”

"Thank you," he said. "I'll be sure to take that into consideration."

Saying that with showing the amount of affection he felt for the Cuban boy was nearly impossible. 

Lance smiled, nodded, and walked off to his next class. 

As much as Keith appreciated it, he couldn't help but to worry that Lance was doing this out of pity. Most knew of Keith's situation. It was old news. He'd been transferring in and out of this school system since kindergarten since it was in the same city as a group home. 

But the idea of getting his phone number didn't sound too bad. 

———

Keith wished he had taken up his offer right then and there. Not that he had anything to talk about then, he was fine, just got emotional for a moment. The fact that he wanted to take up Lance's offer was something. Keith didn't open up to people. He had in the past and regretted it many times. What made Lance an exception? He wasn't sure. It wasn't because of the crush (that he doesn't deny, seeing that it's useless to.) He's had crushes in the past. 

Lance is a very open and caring person. That's obvious about the boy. Everyone who knew Lance knew that was very try. His care was genuine. It was clear he cared about Keith's feeling just as much as his own and he had barely talked to him. 

But now it was too late to take up Lance's offer. Keith was sat in the office curled up on a bench. He didn't want to be here, at school. It wasn't a good day. Tomorrow probably wouldn't be either. 

Someone was supposed to get him next weekend and he was going to go with another family. He hasn't been in a home for over two months now. Luckily, they lived in the same city as the group home so he wouldn't be transferring schools again. 

They hadn't met Keith yet and they already decided against him. They saw his records and made assumptions. They weren't going to even try with him and it hurt, because Keith knows he's changed. He's trying so hard to no longer be the problem child. He doesn't think he deserves that titled anymore because he's been so well behaved (minus an incident or two. Can't blame him, thought. He's got untreated anger issues and the kids were being real dicks.)

He wanted to tell them that but it was pointless. No one wants a broken child with a history of violence. No one wants try helping him. 

Needless to say, it hurts, but he found himself getting on the bus anyways despite being told he can skip school for a couple days. He wasn't sure why he did that, but he regretted it. He broke down before first period even started and did nothing but embarrassed himself. 

He was determined to try getting through the day, but sometimes it's just too much. Nothing's worse than your biggest insecurity and worst fear being a major part of your life. It's was unavoidable and it sucked absolute ass. 

He had no choice but to stay in the office for a couple hours. None of the workers could pick him now since it wasn't a huge emergency to them seeing that he wasn't sick. Apparently doing all the laundry was more important than his declining mental health but he didn't really care. He didn't have anything to do either way except sit there and sulk. 

It was the beginning of third period when the bell to the office rung again indicating that someone had entered. Keith looked up and saw Lance walking to the desk where the secretary sat. He wished the wall could just swallow him whole. He didn't want Lance to see him in this state. 

He talked to the secretary and nodded before heading over to where Keith was sat. 

Keith was too deep in thought to hear him talking to the secretary so he didn't exactly know why Lance was here. 

He sat down and greeted Keith with a small "hello." He was too mentally drained to respond verbally. He lazily raised his hand and gave a small wave. 

They say in silence for a moment before Lance asked "you okay?" just like he had the day before. 

In a way, it was kind of a trap. He didn't feel like talking about it or talking at all, but there was no way Lance would believe him if he said yes (he was sitting on a bench which his knees to his chest for crying out loud) so he gave a small shake of his head. 

Lance frowned lightly and didn't skip a beat with following it up with a "do you want to talk about it?"

Keith shook his head again. "How come you're in here?" He asked. 

"My medications in here. Ya know, drug policies and shit." he said in low voice so the secretary wouldn't call him out on language. "The nurse isn't here yet so I have to wait. I get out of science though and honestly sitting through a video doesn't sound fun so I'd much rather just chill here."

He pauses for a bit. 

"How long have you been here?" He asks next. 

"Since homeroom."

"Oh. Are you going back to class or..."

"Someone's coming to pick me up eventually."

"Well I can hang out with you here until the nurse arrives. I wouldn't exactly enjoy sitting alone in the office for three periods." He says smiling at Keith. 

They sit in the office in silence for a couple minutes, Keith with his grand still tucked between his knees. He's barely managed to look at the taller boy sat next to him. He wasn’t sure why but he felt tears begging to fill his eyes once again. It was just one of those days, he thought. One of those god awful days where he could do nothing more than cry for every awful thing that’s ever happened. 

Lance took notice of Keith’s state. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” He asked again. “I don’t judge. I can’t, really. I cry over everything.” He chuckles. Keith shakes his head again, confirming that he doesn’t want to speak about his problems. 

“Would you like a hug instead?”

Keith thought about it, and every part of him wanted to say yes, but he also couldn’t trust himself. He was well aware of the fact that he was very touch starved. It’s kinda pathetic. He was scared that he may take advantage of Lance’s offer. What if I hug him for too long? What if he thinks I’m too clingy? What if end up crying harder? 

Keith found himself nodding. Lance have a small smile and scoots closer to where Keith was sat and wrapped his arms around the shorter male.

Keith tensed up at first, not used to the contact relaxed into Lance’s embrace. Lance’s held him tightly and didn’t seem to be rushing to let go. 

And Keith (unfortunately) ended up being correct as to one of the guesses he had for how we would react to the hug because before he knew it he was crying even harder into Lance’s shoulder. Lance only tightened his hold in attempt to calm him. 

“It’s going to be okay,” he said in a quiet voice. 

“It’s never been okay.”

“It will be, though.” Lance promised. “All things are temporary. Good and bad.”

“It just feels like anything good is gone so quickly. I just want to be happy.” Keith says sadly. 

“You will be. Things take time but one day you’ll be happy with life. You’ll look back to now and realize pushing through was worth it. I promise.”

And for once in Keith’s life he felt that everything would be okay. 

———

Lance ended up giving Keith his number. He entered it into his phone and called so that he would have Keith’s in exchange. 

That night Keith learned that Lance texts a lot. 

He didn’t mind, though. He found himself smiling at the many messages he received throughout the day, which surprised him. He didn’t think that this day would end up like this. He was too distracted by how cute it was that Lance’s thoughts just couldn’t be contained in one message to really think too much about yesterday’s events. It usually took at least a week for Keith to get over such things. 

He also found out that Lance’s number one way to cheer someone up is to either send memes or really cute pictures of peoples pet birds. 

Keith had to admit, it did work. How can you be sad when a hot boy is sending you pictures of tiny birds riding toy skateboards

Keith had friends in the past. He wasn’t a complete loner because of his situation. He didn’t exactly make an attempt to make friends, but there were always those kind people that were friendly to the new kids that ended up talking to him. This school was kinda of a lost cause since he had been in and out of this system since kindergarten but there were still nice people. He just never really had a true friend that wanted to talk to him often and kept in touch after he left. Keith came to terms with the fact that he was usually the second choice, but he didn’t mind. That kind of stuff wasn’t really bothersome to him anymore, but having Lance here, willingly talking to Keith and actually caring enough about his well-being is kind of new. He was thankful for it even if it doesn’t end up lasting. He’d understand if Lance got sick of him or overwhelmed with Keith’s constantly changing emotions. Not everyone can handle that. 

He knew full well that it’s a possibility it can happen, but he chose to ignore it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying my best to update when I can. I hope you all enjoy :)


End file.
